Thursday, March 16, 2017

Invoked (Taken from Diary)

Games, games, games.. These are all silly games. Games for the shallow and the weak. Games for those who cannot speak their mind just yet. But who have to dance around the bushes, burning them with indirect passages. What is my love? Questions. Doubt. Why? Do I want this to work? All these nights dreaming about you and now you're here. And now what? You want to control a part of me? All of me? You want to keep me as a possession? You want to test me? You want someone you know who will always be there? I am becoming more dissatisfied. Barely touched you last weekend, now you want to thwart my embrace until further notice and significance of marriage. Now you feel like it's right for you to wait. But what of the waiting I want? Oh, I wait therefore, we wait. I get it. What strange love is this? Tit for tat? Rather No tits, only tats. Go on, advertise these "other things" we can do. You did close to none of them during my stay. But looked and tugged at me longingly when I with held from commingling with you. After all, you cried after we made love, cried out an apology whilst waters bathed my scent from you. You called me. You called me from your bedroom. You left me in the backyard and called me from your bedroom. Seventy dollars and a fifty-five dollar hotel cancellation fee later, you left me in a tent, alone and cold, after we made love, cried, apologized to the air (or to some preferred lover), and called me from your bedroom. That hurt.
The trouble is I see things some wish they couldn't see. I see how other men look at you. I see how you look at other men. You invoke jealousy. Whether innately or intentionally, you, good woman, invoke. 

Stone in a Creek

I wish I could be still
like a stone in a creek.
Would the water break around me
or bury me in the drink?

I wish I was solid
like a great dusty boulder
Nothing could ever break me
Nor push me from my post

I dream to be a mountain
piercing upward on the plains
I would nearly kiss the stars
tied forever to the land


Thursday, February 16, 2017

Why discover something new when you can love what you already have
why do the wrong things feel so right?
On the outside, we can hide
but is there escape from what's inside?
dancing by myself
hit the play button
the faintest yellow
there's enough out there for the two of us
everyday I ask myself if it was worth it
everyday I get the same damn answer

Monday, October 13, 2014

Your Audience

I am your undeniable audience
Each of your performances runs
errors emphasized
riding triumphs
even the ordinary is dramatized
Your voice is heard
weeping inside every laugh
nervous at each gesture
You can't stand to be given
any less attention
You have to  have the focal point
all the time, always
You over shadow your audience
an expense paid by the producers
and every attendee
Blabbering unendedly
pointing out the pointless
always gripping and dragging
in into your shallow pool
I am your audience
That's the only way you see me
Someone to listen
to clap at your back flips
to frown at your falls
to cry when you're crying
To die while you're dying
This is a one way relationship
down a very long trivial road
You just don't listen
I don't think you ever will
it's a shame that when you
finally settle in to your
comfortable casket
your ears will no longer work
Because the difference between
your life and death
will be the final interval
of your lowering eyelids

Thursday, June 26, 2014

The Stranger Jason

"Now can you tell me who said that?"
I thought it was a trick question.
The Bible verse that this stranger had just quoted was both foreign and familiar.
Hesitantly, I answered
"I believe that was Jesus who said that."
"That's right! That's right!"
He quickly continued
"Ok, Ok, now let me ask you this..."
He stepped in close.
"What kind of hater are you?"
This was a new one.
I hadn't been asked this question before and he knew it.
His dark lips bent into a tiny smile.
"Hmmm..." I thought
"Invisible!" I finally said
"Oh, invisible, huh? Why's that?"
"'Cause my hate is unseen. It doesn't exist!"
"Ok, ok. You don't hate anything? Ok. That's good."
We nodded our heads in confident agreement as if our necks were made of springs.
He didn't waste a second.
"Ok, well I know how to be the ultimate hater..." He said pointing his skinny dark finger.
"Oh, Ok, Is that right?"
"That's right, but you know what gets me up in the morning?"
"What's that?"
"This prayer. This prayer gets me up every morning. Now repeat after me..."
He began to recite and I followed him, mimicking his words, but arbitrarily inflecting the sounds.
I was locked in.
As he spoke, as I repeated, his features became more apparent;
Dark, smooth skin, that  of a Church man,
a crimson button up shirt, black pants, shiny black shoes,
and a neat afro atop his head.
He was wild with reverence.
His teeth were long and broad and slightly yellowed at the gums
as if they had been baptized back to white.
Our call and response prayer lasted about a minute or two
then we shook hands, hugged, and introduced ourselves.
His name was Jason.
He walked away and with a smile, he turned back towards me and shouted,
"Alright, Blaine. I love you, man!"
Rejuvenated and humored, I smiled, laughed, and called back, "Alright, man. I love you, too!"
The stranger named Jason carried on with his bold stride,
the red folds of his clothes rippling in the wind,
I turned and walked the entire three mile length home,
a resurrection awakened within me. 

Monday, June 16, 2014

Think of Me

For me, it is hard to write about someone I love.
It is hard to craft words into a magical order
that portrays a correct verbal measurement
of the warm golden light I feel when kissed by my lover.
It is hard to write, but easy for me to see
our bodies curled together beneath cotton sheets.
I can easily feel my fingernails gently raking across
the warm skin of my lovers soft buttocks.
A map of my lovers body is imprinted in me
It guides me to the familiar quiet corners,
the cozy pockets of rippled skin folding outwards and in
sweet valleys of soft prickly hair
subtle scents that only I would smell
These are the places where I dwell
anxious for the gift of moist lips on my neck
nostalgic of skinny fingers tickling me.
All selfish desires fortified by selfless deeds,
like giving my lover all she needs.
It isn't easy for me to say
that I think about my lover everyday
And when I don't I find it strange
then proceed to think of her once again.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Rose

Somewhere in this garden
lie a slow dying rose.
Brittle and dry pedals
tightly packed together,
slowly drying out in unison.
The sweet scent has faded,
the lush red body now
tiny and gray.
Not even the graying thorn
is sharp enough
to accidentally prick
an oblivious passer by.
She lie hanging the only rose
in a thicket of pointy branch and vine.
When once hungry bugs would
chew at her nourishing loins
the busy creatures now
crawl over and around her,
occasionally sitting atop her head
to admire the view.
On particularly cold, clear,
moonlit nights, the nearby daffodils
can hear Rose sigh.
A ghostly sound, her breath stretches
only an inch, mixing in with the cool breeze.
"These sighs are not apologies"
cries Rose
"These breaths are not regrets.
What was taken from me was also given,
for I have never possessed excess, but
have been claimed by many
to be amongst the bounty."
The posies can only look away with saddened jealously,
shivering in the chill.
Icy water has gathered on Rose,
the cold perspiration sometimes softly drips below,
drowns a few ants, and sends the others scurrying about.
This is as close as Rose ever comes to crying.
She hangs her head and a flaky leaf
breaks and drifts swiftly away.