Greatly Appreciated, Thank you. Likewise.

I hear songs or parts of songs playing over and over
audio hallucinations
clips, snippets, pieces of words and melodies
just repeating in my head

I never feel alone
because when I am alone I imagine camera's watching me
and my friends are watching me
and my enemies are watching me
and the girls I have or had crushes on are watching me

They watch me on a t.v. screen and point at my movements and actions
if I do something weird they discuss it
They socialize and gossip about my flaws.
This tends to put me in an awkward place.

Imagine people talking about the things I've done
How great of a person I was.
How terrible of a man I was.
How easily I gave up or gave in.

I tell myself that I need to stop thinking about what people think and will think of me.

Here's how it works.
I think about you reading this.
I think about how you'll feel when you read this
And this.
I think about how you'll feel when you read that I think about how you felt when you read the last few lines.
I think about you reading this over again trying to figure it out.
I think about who you're going to talk to about this.
I think about you hesitating to go on.
I think about stopping but, I've gathered your interest and it's nice to hold you here.
Right here.

It goes on forever, really. Anything I do, I think about you. Everything I say, I think about how you'll feel when I say it. I think about what you'll say, what I'll say after that, what you'll say after that. I can carry out a conversation with you on my own. Because I know what you're thinking.
I think I know what you're thinking

And I hate myself because of this.
I don't want to predict what you say.
I don't want to think about saying something.
I just want to say it.
I don't want to pick apart my thoughts.
I don't want to pick apart your thoughts.
I just want to think and breathe normally.
What does that feel like?

What is it like to think like this?

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How does one learn to think like that?

I think like this: my mind works this way

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Seriously, this is what goes on...

Just nonsense.

But, I feel like I'm too strong of a person to let this go unnoticed. I realized that this is how I think. This is how my brain functions. I went deep inside of myself and pulled out the last remaining sane part of me. And We became friends. We don't always get along but, We live with each other and have to share the same space.

The part that impresses me is that I feel as if I figured out how your brain works for you. I know how you make decisions based on the decisions I either see you make or the decisions you've told me you've made. I can't make this stuff up. Well... I can. But, I'd rather not. Too many of you think I'm a liar anyway. Which, I am. I am a liar. I've lied. I continue to lie. But, that's apart of life. I'm lied to everyday. I don't call you or anyone else a liar. For some absurd reason, I have this strange ability or dysfunction to see and or feel the good in people. But if a good person has shared what seems to be useful information with me, and I believe it, and share it with you this happens; I tell you what I know, you tell me something else, I tell you it's true, you tell me I'm a liar. Problem solved.

So who cares.... this is what happens. I can't control it. You just see it from the outside. If you want to fix me, crawl inside and work your way out.